The Boy I'm in Love with
by DegrassiPosse
Summary: Eli. The boy I'm in love with. The boy who is dying… Eli had leukemia. The often fatal cancer in which white blood cells displace his normal blood, leading to infection, shortage of red blood cells, anemia, bleeding, and other disorders.
1. Living

Author's note: I came up with this 2-3 shot a long time ago and decided to finish it. I don't know if you'll like it but there will be one or two chapters left. I don't really like this story that much. It was hard to write and I don't know if I captured it right but there will be 1-2 more chapters and an epilogue too.

Warnings: This isn't a happy story. Some parts are optimistic and up lifting but it's not like my last one-shot. Also sex and language.

Attention: I did some research on leukemia but the things in this story may not be accurate.

Eli. The boy I'm in love with. The boy who is dying…

I sat in English behind Eli. I was copying down notes from the board while Ms. Dawes taught us the lesson.

Everything was quiet except for the pencils tapping against the thin paper and the chalk scraping against the big black board.

Just then the raven haired boy in front of me sprang up from his seat and darted to the doors.

My peers' heads shot up but weren't surprised. Just a little frazzled. Their eyes soon locked with mine, giving me sympathetic looks.

_We went through this routine. _

Ms. Dawes turned around and saw the empty seat in front of me. I got up and rushed to the door. My irrelevant teacher gave me a pass without saying a word.

I walked a bit fast to the boys' washroom. I knocked on it, "Eli?" I only heard whimpering. I opened the door slowly.

"Eli, baby?" I then heard what I heard exactly one day ago.

Eli's stomach purging his insides. I walked into the stall that was making intelligible noises. Eli was sitting down leaning against the wall by the toilet.

"It's hell, Clare," he turned to meet my gaze "having cancer." he mumbled. I reached out and wiped the light colored substance from is mouth and pulled him towards me. I cradled his head and began to cry.

_I always cried._

He was the strong one. Not me.

Eli had leukemia. The often fatal cancer in which white blood cells displace his normal blood, leading to infection, shortage of red blood cells anemia, bleeding, and other disorders. He was diagnosed when he was 14 and had to go through treatment which included chemotherapy and radiotherapy.

We've been dating for 3 years now and I've seen it all. Eli says that I'm everything to him and that he wouldn't have lived this long if I weren't in his life. I think that's bullshit. I'm just a girl who cries and cries and does nothing. But we're meant to be. We're each other's other half.

Eli's my life and I can't help but want to be the one with cancer. Not him. He deserves to be happy.

After school - well after Eli was done in the bathroom. I took him home, driving his hearse, Morty, as his head laid on my lap. I would drive with one hand and stroke his soon-to-be hairless head with the other.

Eli was on leave for about a month but the cancer came back a few weeks ago. But really the cancer was always there.

_It will always be there._

When we arrived at his house. I pulled his pale skinny body inside. His parents, CeCe and

Bullfrog were at work until 6 but after school he would always come to my house or vise versa.

Eli and I had a relationship that was nothing like a typical high school romance. We were attached. We have always loved each other. We were different. I knew everything about him and he knew everything about me. He were practically attached at the hip.

We went upstairs to his room. He immediately plopped down on the bed. I went to grab a fresh t-shirt and boxers for him.

I sigh sadly and walked towards him, kneeling on the bed next his limp body. I tugged up his shirt, "Arms up," I demanded gently. He groaned.

"Lay with me? Please," He mumbled, "I need you." I smiled weakly and put on the shirt for him. I slid his skinny jeans and plaid boxers down and put on the new boxers. I grabbed the big black comforter that was scrambled at the end of the bed and pulled it up to his chin.

I pulled off my shirt and bra, rummaging through his closet for one of my shirts. "God, I want you." Eli muttered. I smiled and unbuttoned my pants, stepping out of them before I carefully got in with him. We faced each other. Our legs intertwined as our fingers did. "I love you, Clare so much." I started sobbing quietly and Eli wrapped his arms around me. Our bodies fusing together, "Please don't cry. Please, baby. This cancer is only temporary. I promise, I'll get better soon." he smiled. I looked up at him hesitantly, afraid that if I saw his eyes I would start weeping again, "Promise?" I asked softy.

"Promise"

_Lies._

The next day we went to the doctor with CeCe and Bullfrog. Hoping to get good news about how Eli's treatment is going. CeCe and Bullfrog sat in the front with faint music playing. Eli and I were cuddled up together in the back, clinging together.

We arrived at the all too familiar hospital. With bleak white walls and depressing atmosphere.

We all sat down in Eli's doctor's office, silently. Waiting for something that could change Eli's life, my life…our life.

The burly doctor came in and shut the door. Eli squeezed my hand and tried to reassure me. He sat down, "Hello Eli, Mr. and Mrs. Goldsworthy, Clare." He nodded at us warmly. I felt relived.

_He has good news. _I thought. _Eli will be cancer free soon. That's what he'll say. We will celebrate with a nice dinner and Eli and I will make love afterward. Over and over again until everything is numb._

I came back from my thoughts when the doctor started pulling out Eli's files and test results. He looked over them a few times. His eyebrows furrowed a few times and I felt my stomach drop.

"I'm sorry-" I blanked out.

_No, no, no! Please don't say sorry. Please don't._

"Eli's red blood cells seem to be lower than last month… I'm afraid to say, that the cancer has gotten worse and could possibly be fatal by the end of next month."

_Time stopped. Everything is a blur and I don't know what's going on. Maybe I'm dead or maybe everything is a dream. I don't know…_

Eli's head rested on my breast on the way home. I cradled his head tight to me. My tear stained cheek rested on his balding head. I don't really remember what happened after the man that told the person I love was going to die by the end of next month. I faintly remember CeCe asking what our options were and him saying that they could put Eli on more drugs or let mother nature take care of him and let him live his life.

_Mother nature? He's not a fucking flower that dies if you don't water it! He's a person._

When we got home, Eli and I went straight up to his room. Falling on to the bed together, in a dependent mix of limbs. We cried together and he kept whispering things to me like, 'I love you' and 'The doctor is lying'.

_Denial…_

CeCe and Bullfrog called us down after about an hour to talk about it. We all sat silently down at the table. Our digits of the hand intertwined under the table.

"Alright, we can get through this." one of the adults said across from us. My anger boiled. "This won't change anything." I was fuming. "We have to work together, we _need _to work together." I erupted. "Work together? We aren't building a fucking house!" I slammed my fists on the table, "How are we suppose to work together? Huh? We can't do anything!" I don't know why I said that. To say I was mad would be undoubtedly the utmost understatement I would ever think or say.

"I can't see him suffer. I don't - ahh" I broke off into uncontrollable sobs. I was nearly screaming with hysterics. I felt a pair of arms push me into them forcefully. They started rocking back and fourth, embracing me securely. I kept whispering over and over again the only thing that kept me sane or the only thing that was making me go insane. "Eli."

I felt the person hold me and carry me up the stairs to a room, that I was guessing Eli's. But I had closed my eyes tightly as I held onto the person's - well most likely Eli's neck. I felt Eli put me down and undress me. He picked me back up and brought me to the connected bathroom in his room. He put my nude body down on the toilet seat and started to run the bath water. As he waited for the bath water to fill up he put me on his lap, my head on his shoulder. "I'll never leave you, Clare." he whispered as he stroked my cheek. I whimpered and clenched my hand onto his shirt.

I was soon in the warm water. I was still crying and whimpering. Eli kneeled next to the tub and grabbed a small towel, dipping it in the water then caressing my body with it. Before long I relaxed against his touch. "Come in with me." I said quietly glancing at him. He smiled and nodded. I watched him strip and saw his erection. I giggled. "What so funny?" he said sarcastically.

"Oh nothing new." I giggled and he laughed. I sat up so he could get behind me. His legs slid through and were face-to-face with mine. I laid back, my head on his chest. His arms came though mine and wrapped around my upper stomach, my breasts resting on them.

"Eli?"

"Yes love?' he sighed.

"What are we going to do?" I asked. I felt him put his chin on my head, kissing it lightly.

"We're going to live life. I don't want to mope around and wait for my death date." I cringed at his last words. "We have time but you know, life is either a daring adventure or nothing." he said.

I smiled, "Helen Keller said that."

"Yup," he rubbed my stomach, "You have a choice. Live or die. Every breath is a choice. Every minute is a choice. To be or not to be."

"Chuck Palahniuk said that."

"That's my girl." he grinned.

I laughed and turned around to face him, straddling his hips. "Then let's make the best of everything and not worry about the unimportant stuff."

Eli nodded and leaned down to kiss me. I smiled wide and wrapped my arms around his wet neck. He squeezed my hips and started grinding himself on me. I broke the kiss to moan. "Oh, god… Oh, Eli!" he smirked and I thrust my hips down on his, creating delicious friction. We kissed again, fast and desperate. I reached down and rubbed my clit while he pulled on my nipple. "If you don't know what you want, you end up with a lot you don't." Another Palahniuk quote he breathed against my needy lips.

"I know what I want." I responded kissing his ear and whispered, "You."

Before he could respond I got up and grabbed a condom from one of the cupboards next to the sink. I got back in rolled the condom on his penis before lifting my hips and sinking down on him. My eyes rolled back and we both moaned. The water started splashing around us as I moved up and down on him. He let out an inhuman growl and thrust his hips up, meeting mine. Eli's hand reached down and stroked me fast. I put my hands on his shoulders to get leverage and he sucked a nipple into his mouth. "I love you." "I need you." we whispered.

_We were each other's other half…_

A week and a half later I was on Eli's bed next to him. Our nude bodies pressed together under the blankets. He was spooned up against me. His long fingers stroked my stomach and breasts. We had just got done making love for the fourth time that night and we were dead tired.

We agreed to not mourn over his cancer and to live life to the fullest together. Have fun and be together always.

I was already pretty much living with Eli when he told me he had cancer but we made it official. A few days ago I packed all of my clothes and bathroom items, with Eli's help of course, and formally moved in. My mom agreed since she was also practically living at her boyfriend's apartment.

We have been going to the park, the beach, the mall, seeing movies and I even convinced him to go in-door roller skating with me. We also hung out with Adam a lot too. He wanted his last times living on earth to be fun and enjoyed with by everyone who loved him. But I can't help but feel emptiness inside me, like I'm lying to my feelings.

The next day - well I guess today considering it was 2:45 a.m. - Eli's family, Adam, and I were going to go up to their cabin up north for the weekend. I was super excited and could barely sleep considering how tired I was.

But then something happened.

I awoke to Eli screaming in pain and blood gushing out of his two nostrils. I started to cry as I fumbled, grabbing my phone and dialing 911. I grabbed a shirt and put it to Eli's nose tightly, to try and stop the bleeding. CeCe and Bullfrog came in and rushed to their son. Bullfrog ripped the phone from my hand and screamed at the operator to get an ambulance here.

This isn't the first time I woke up to this but it never hurt any less. CeCe was calmer than me and she kept whispering things to Eli to help him calm down. I took that opportunity to quickly throw on a shirt and shorts. I got up and grabbed Eli some boxers and sweatpants. I swiftly changed him as we waited for the ambulance.

Fortunately it was a minor blood clot that caused the bleeding. They did an emergency surgery and had him in the hospital for the day.

The thing that happened this morning kind of brought me to reality and out of Eli and I's fantasy. I couldn't avoid his cancer. But I wanted to.

_I wanted to so badly…_

We all agreed to go to the cabin the next day, so Eli could rest for the night. The doctors gave Eli some strong pain killers and informed him of taking 3 a day till the body pain stopped. But Eli only took one, claiming he didn't want to lose control and get high off of them.

We brought Eli back home and ordered some pizza for dinner. Eli and I were snuggled up together on the sofa watching _A Walk to Remember_.Ironic…

It was during a sad part and I couldn't help but relate this movie to Eli and I's life. The pizza came and Eli was reaching for a piece when I stopped him. "Eli? Maybe you should have some crackers or bread." He frowned, "It's ok Clare, I can handle one piece of pizza. Plus I'm off my treatment so the meds won't make me barf." he chuckled. I wasn't convinced but didn't push.

We watched the rest of the movie and headed to bed since we had to leave early for the cabin. Eli went to the bathroom while I striped to a tank top and panties. After a bit of waiting in bed for him, I heard buzzing. My eyebrow squished together as I hopped to the bathroom, "Eli? Baby, are you ok?" I asked. "Just leave me alone Clare." "Eli?" "Clare go away! Now."

Whimpering came from inside and I burst open the door to find…

Author's note: This didn't come out at all like in my head. But this was the happy chapter. The next 1-2 chapters will be tear jerker's.


	2. Hurting

**Author's Note: Sorry for the confusion guys! So I took down the second chap because the amazing Cliffhanger Girl was editing it.**

**So here it is, the new and improved 2****nd**** chapter of Boy I'm In Love With….**

**Special thanks to: The Cliffhanger Girl for being my beta! She is amazing! And also**

**DegrassiLover2010, my first reviewer for this story and ilovetaylorswift13, your reviews are so sweet! Thank you!**

**Updates: I'm working on the 7****th**** chapter of Maislinn or Jaislinn so it will probably up by Sunday, depending on when my beta will get done with it.**

I shoved open the door, applying as much force as I could in order to open it. My eyes bulged, seeing Eli sitting on the floor, with tears running down his cheeks and some sort of buzzer in his hand. His lips were trembling and parts of his beautiful locks were cut off as he whispered, "Clare…I'm dying."

My vision became quickly blurred from the amount of tears that I tried to hold back, but couldn't.

I fell to the floor and clung to him, "We have time Eli. Please, don't leave me."

My chest heaved up and down, as I sobbed hysterically.

"I can't take it anymore," he choked and turned around, hugging my waist as his head fell to my breasts.

I watched as my boyfriend, the love of my life and the person that makes my heart beat erratically by just a glance, slowly crack.

"Baby, please...I know it's hard," I whimpered while stroking his hair and continued, "I love you."

I whispered sweet nothings in his ear, trying to soothe his hysterics and calm his body down from the sudden 'shakes' due to the crying.

After about a half an hour of restless tears, Eli and I had calmed down. His head was still buried deep in my chest while I held onto his head tightly.

"I'm going to miss you," Eli whispered against my flesh.

Fresh water droplets rolled down my cheeks as he whispered, "I'm going to miss talking to you, miss kissing you, making love to you…and I'm especially going to miss these," he kissed my breasts through my tank top and reached up to squeeze them.

I giggled, trying to keep a positive attitude as I whispered lowly, "I'm going to miss you too Eli, so much."

After a moment of silence, I asked gently, "Do you want to sleep now?"

He pulled back from my grip and I saw his puffy red eyes, "First I have to do something."

Eli got up and took the shaver off the floor. He walked to the mirror and started at the front of his head, as the beautiful jet black locks fell to the floor. I stood behind him and wrapped my arms around his skinny waist, closing my eyes to keep the tears from falling, "Your chemo is done Eli. You don't have to do this," I whispered.

He didn't respond.

After a minute I heard the buzzing stop and my eye lids slowly fluttered open as my eyes slowly glanced at the mirror.

I saw the most beautiful boy in the world. He turned around and wrapped his around my hips tightly, gripping onto me as if I was last thing that he could grab before the world would blow up before his eyes.

He was pale.

Another sign of leukemia taking over his body: anemia.

"You're so beautiful Eli," I blurted, a little embarrassed, and cupped his cheeks with my small hands as he leaned down and kissed both my palms.

I smiled weakly and took his hand, leading him into the bedroom. I helped him take off his pants and shirt as I stood before him, tracing the lines on his chest and stomach. I was memorizing his skin, his touch and his piercing green eyes staring back at me.

I looked up at him and he smiled down at me as we shared a brief, but sensual kiss.

When our lips separated, Eli led me onto the bed. I crawled onto the bed first, the blankets and sheets ruffling slightly as Eli kneeled onto the bed behind me. I laid down on my stomach, my face buried in his pillow.

At first, I inhaled his scent and I knew that I would now forever have that smell to inhale through my nostrils. Eli held onto my butt, kneading the flesh with his light rubs and pats.

My lips curled into a bliss-filled grin as I sighed out in pleasure.

Eli sat between my legs and lifted my shirt, revealing my back to his eyes. He leaned down and placed light kisses and licks all around my back as his thumbs toyed with the hem of my panties.

I loved when Eli did this, when he spent time just worshiping my body.

As he pecked my shoulders, his warm lips pressing up against my sensitive flesh, I felt him slowly pull down my panties. I parted my legs out of instinct as he kissed down my body slowly, savoring every inch of my skin.

Eli kissed my butt cheeks and licked a line down to my clit as I moaned in pleasure, "Eli…please."

He sighed happily and sat back up.

I heard frantic rustling and assumed it was him taking off his boxers and putting on condom. When I heard the rip of the plastic, it always sounded like beautiful music to my ears, I smiled.

After a few seconds, Eli pushed into me slowly from behind.

I closed my eyes and arched my hips in pleasure, trying to help Eli out as best as I could. This was one of my favorite positions, as Eli's penis pushed more firmly against me. Eli's chest pressed against my back as we grinded into each other and my neck craned up as I moaned in delight. Eli thrusted slow into my ass slowly, rotating his hips in the process.

We came together, crying out each other's name.

Eli threw out the used condom and dropped beside me, spooning me. I felt Eli place a caring peck on my cheek and soon, I felt Eli's hot breath on my neck and he started snoring.

Eli.

My love, my life.

He was dying before me and I couldn't do anything about it. It sucks; it really sucks knowing that the one who you are fully devoted to has no control of their faith. But, I couldn't just sit there perfectly healthy while Eli suffered from the fatal blood disease.

I gingerly got out of bed, the tears staying in my eyes as I tried to be strong. I walked into the bathroom and looked through my bag, finding a little steel razor. I sat down on the tiled floor and pressed the sharp blade to my stomach, cutting the skin, watching my blood trickle down my abdomen, my navel and then it disappeared into the hair on my crotch.

My mind tried to process what I had just done, because I haven't done that in eleven months.

I crawled back in bed with Eli, but, put a distance between us, crying silently.

"Clare?" Eli asked with a sleepy voice.

"Yes?" I asked softly, trying to disguise my voice so that he couldn't hear the crack due to my tears.

Eli took a deep breath as he whispered loudly, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, of course," I whispered reassuringly, still facing the wall of

his bedroom.

He motioned me to move closer while saying, "Well, come here."

I smiled weakly and crawled into his arms. He whispered, "I love you, Clare. Don't ever forget that." I nodded and kissed his lips before whispering, "I love you too."

The next morning came quickly and I awoke to Eli's arms wrapped tightly around me. I smiled subconsciously and kissed his fingers, lifting them up and nipping them gently as I giggled.

"Clare Edwards: the man-eater," Eli said behind me.

I rolled over and frowned, "You have a bloody nose." I quickly stood to my feet and got up to get him a towel so that the blood wouldn't get all over the clothes or the sheets that Cece had probably just washed.

"Don't worry Clare, it's a little one," he responded, throwing a hand down.

I came into bed and kneeled in front of him, pressing the towel lightly to his nose. Just then, CeCe barged in holding two large suitcases with an aberrant design.

"Ok, you two. We're leaving in 15 minutes so start packing-" She dropped the suitcases and walked over to us, "Oh baby boy, are you okay? Does it hurt?" She asked while touching his nose gently.

"Mom, It's fine, just a little bloody nose," Eli pushed her hand away and CeCe kissed both our heads while saying, "Get packing."

We were going to stay at their cabin for two nights, Saturday and Sunday, and come home Monday night. Even though this was considered a "vacation", I still worried. Eli is getting skinnier and weaker every day, like he's becoming a new person.

It was summer break, so we thought it would be a perfect time to go up to the cabin.

We were soon off driving down the freeway with CeCe and Bullfrog in front and Adam, Eli, and I squished together in the back. Adam, Eli and I were playing a word game where we go around and say a word, each new word adds on and we make up a story.

"The," Eli said, starting off the game

"Elephant,"I continued, grinning.

"Sat," Adam said, smiling devilishly at both of us.

The game went on and on.

"Okay so what we have so far is, 'The elephant sat on a man and ate a banana while ice skating though the beach'. Wow, okay my turn to start," Adam blurted.

It was cheesy and stupid, but, fun. We were all laughing, including CeCe and Bullfrog.

"One" Adam started.

"Day"

"A"

"Beautiful"

"Girl"

Eli flashed me a flirtatious smirk as he continued, "Was" "named" "Clare Edwards"

Adam protest by telling Eli 'Clare Edwards' is two words but he was too busy kissing me on the mouth, "You're too good to me, Eli," I whispered against his lips.

"Hey!" Bullfrog shouted, making us part and frown, "PDA waits until we're at the cabin," he playfully scolded.

I blushed and Eli wrapped an arm around me.

Adam scoffed playfully, "Why did I agree to go on this trip? If I knew you guys would be all over each other then I would've-"

"Oh come on Adam, you know you love hanging around us. We're such a cute couple," Eli chuckled, interrupting Adam's whining.

Adam muttered incoherent words under his breath and I just smiled at him.

It took about two hours to get there.

We were all hungry and tired, even though it was only noon. Eli's head rested on my lap as he slept with his arms wrapped around himself. Adam was playing on his phone but as soon as the car stopped in front of the big oak-stained wood house, he leaped out of the car and raced towards the door.

Adam and I have been up here lots of times with Eli and his parent's. Adam really loves it here, claiming that it's a way to get away from his nagging mom and love-sick brother, be with his friends and have a good time by the lake.

CeCe and Bullfrog started to unpack as I gently shook Eli, waking him. I slowly ran my fingers over his soft skin above his cranium, massaging his scalp. Eli groaned lowly, keeping his eyes clenched tightly shut.

He was fatigued.

_Another sign…_

"Hey sweetie, Eli?" I whispered leaning down and kissing his ear, feeling the softness of his external pale covering against my lips.

Eli stirred in his sleep, "Clare? Where are we?"

He turned again, his face now buried deep in my thighs.

I giggled, "We're here, at your cabin. Do you want to go in and have some lunch or do you want to rest some more?"

"Our, _our_ cabin." He mumbled, his nose still in my lap.

"What?" I asked, half from surprise and half because I couldn't hear all that great.

"It's our cabin, from now on. My house – it's your house too. My stuff it's yours - ours. I'm yours. I'm yours and you're mine," as the words left his dry lips, I fought back tears and nodded.

I don't know how long we stayed like that.

But, I know I fell asleep and my stomach aching woke me up. It rumbled uncontrollably, and that's when I realized how hungry I was.

"Eli, I'm going to go get something to eat, want to come inside with me?" I said a little desperately, wanting to eat.

"I'm not hungry, stay with me," he ordered, clearly not up for debate.

He held onto my waist tight.

About a half an hour later, I started to get agitated. Eli wouldn't let me leave the car and my stomach was making noises that I couldn't control at this point. All Eli wanted to do was sleep, which, I wouldn't mind if I was able to eat.

I tried to leave his arms and he started thrashing around violently, "Eli? Eli! Pease stop!"

"Stay with me. I don't want to leave," He whined loudly.

"Eli, I need you to calm down, I'm doing this for your own good," with that I pushed the door open and yanked his body out of the car. Eli screamed the most horrible scream I have ever witnessed escape his trembling lips.

He fell to the muddy ground, his body being covered with leaves.

"Eli!" I quickly grabbed onto his arm, trying to help his weak body to his feet.

"Don't. Touch. Me," he ordered through gritted teeth.

My cheeks soon became water stained and I tasted the salty wetness run down to my lips, quickly seeping into the crack of my lips.

"What happened?" Adam asked, oblivious to the situation before his own eyes.

I ignored him.

"Clare, don't cry. It's my fucking joints, my fucking hips and left knee. It feels like they're burning," he groaned, his hands clenched tightly together with pain.

Joint pain: discomfort, inflammation, increased warmth or burning, soreness, or stiffness.

_Another fucking sign…_

So, that's why he didn't want to leave the car.

"Why didn't you tell me?" This is what I wanted to say, but, instead I asked, "Can you move?"

"I don't think- ahh!" Tears streamed out of Eli's eyes as he hissed in pain.

He banged his fists onto the ground, completely frustrated with himself as I said, "Eli, you need to calm down and relax. I'm going to go get one of your pain killers and some water and ice."

My feet went quicker than the time we first had to bring Eli to the hospital for his excessively bloody nose, as I ran up to the cabin.

Bullfrog and Cece always have pills for Eli, even though Eli says it's not necessary.

"CeCe, it's Eli. His joints, t-they're hurting him. He needs his pills," I said a little frantically after finding CeCe in the kitchen, disturbing her session of putting away dishes.

She nods, "Get some ice and water for him. I'll get his pills."

I turned to the freezer and put some ice cubes in a little baggy, gripping it tightly in my hand as I grabbed a glass of water.

An hour later, Eli was propped up on the couch in front of the TV with a glass of water in his hand. His hips were feeling much better, or so he claims, but, his knee was still stiff.

This time, I was not next him.

I wasn't massaging his body or kissing his temple while I held onto him. No, I was outside by the lake, eating an apple and tossing rocks into the water. I was mad, but, mostly distraught. I just couldn't get it through my mind that Eli was dying.

My head kept going back and forth.

"He's dying," I heard a whisper in my head as I continued to shake my head while whispering to myself, "No, n-no he's not."

I couldn't help but cry. But, at this point, I was kind of tired of crying. I had to do something, anything. And that something, isn't crying. It isn't waiting or cutting, even though that helped.

I laid down, my back flat against the dusty, dirt filled ground, closing my eyes.

A few minutes later, I heard rustling in the bush behind me, "Hello?" I asked sitting up.

Adam came out with dirt on his cheeks and leaves in his t-shirt.

"Whoa, what happened to you?" I asked chuckling as he said calmly, "Oh, you know, exploring the woods."

I nodded and looked down, playing with the dirt absentmindedly. I felt Adam come and sit by me and ask with concern in his voice, "So, how's Eli?"

"Fine, I think."

"You think? Aren't you two attached at the hip? I mean, is something wrong? It's not that I don't enjoy it, but, you guys are always all lovey-dovey and PDA-ing. Are you and Eli okay?" Adam asked with concern.

"Yes – it's just, I don't get why Eli didn't tell me his body was hurting. He kept me in the car because he didn't to want to move because of the joint pain. I don't get it, I would have understood," I said while releasing a confused sigh.

It took Adam a minute to respond, "Eli knows you're hurting and I think that he didn't want to tell you because in reality, it would just hurt you more."

I sigh, "Eli and I have been through so much. I just… I don't know what to do. How do you deal?"

"Well, I distract myself. I keep myself busy and I also cherish every moment I have with you guys," He put an arm around me and he said playfully, "I love both of you guys…in a non-awkward kind of way."

"I love you too, Adam," I wrapped my arms around him, enjoying being in my best friend's arms.

"Hey! What the hell is going on here?" We turned and saw Eli limping towards us with his jaw clenched and eyes flaming. Eli dropped the little cane that he had used to balance on and ran over to Adam, pushing him up against the tree hard.

"Eli, stop!" I pleaded, begging him to let Adam go.

He ignored me and gripped onto Adam's shirt, clenching his fists, "This is your plan, Huh? Wait for me to die and then let Clare run into your arms! Huh?"

_It's the disease messing with his mind…_

"Dude, no! We were just talking!" Adam tried to convince him...oh, he tried so hard.

"Oh yeah? You were practically rubbing up against her! Your dirty little fingers were touching her!" Eli shouted, pushing Adam into the tree's trunk with force.

"Eli please stop! I'm right here," I interjected, putting myself between them.

I cupped his cheeks, "I'm here, babe. I'm not leaving." I stepped forward making Eli part from Adam and cup my hips. I could feel Adam's chest heaving against my back with fear.

"B-but he had his arms around you-," I stopped Eli's words by rubbing the back of his head slowly and interjected, "Shhh, Eli your paranoid."

I interrupted, "We were hugging. We weren't kissing or flirting. You know we're friends, and friends hug."

Eli looked lost, "You're right, I'm sorry. Please forgive me."

I kissed his lips softly, his warm breath engulfing my mouth and then when he pulled away, I whispered, "You need to you apologize to Adam." I unwrapped myself from him and he turned to him, "I'm sorry, man. I don't know what came over me."

"Dude, it's fine, I get it," they did a little fist bump and I giggled.

"Oh, you think it's funny?" Eli accused playfully, stepping closer to me. I bit my lip and responded, "It's a little funny."

Before I knew what was going on, Eli had threw me over his shoulder and chucked my body into the freezing lake.

"Ahh!" I screamed hitting the water, "Oh you're going to pay for that Goldsworthy," I exclaimed as he and Adam laughed till tears streamed down their cheeks. I ran up to Eli and pulled on his pants, making him slip on the little cliff that separated land from water and he fell in.

I laughed, "You're next Adam!"

He stepped back, "Noooo thanks."

I smirked mischievously and pulled him in.

We started playing cat and mouse, with Eli and Adam chasing after me.

Eli caught up to me and wrapped his arms around my waist, twirling me around in the water. When he put me down, I turned to face him and wrapped my legs around his hips to hold onto his neck. We swayed in the water together until Adam splashed us while saying, "You guys are gross."

Eli and I exchanged looks then we both swam up to him and dunked him in the water while laughing our heads off.

After swimming for a while, we all decided to head in for a snack.

I sat on Eli's lap as I fed him a strawberry and I giggled playfully, hanging the strawberry in front of his face, teasing him, "Open wide." He snuck a kiss on my lips before opening his mouth.

Later that night, after dinner with CeCe, Bullfrog and Adam, Eli and I decided to go on a walk.

"So…how are you doing?" I asked quietly as we held hands and walked on a path through the darkened woods. I always loved going on these quiet, dark, mysterious walks with Eli.

"No matter how much pain I'm in...When I look at you, the pain, it goes away. When I touch you, I get better. When I kiss you, I'm healed," Eli told me while looking down at me. I stopped, wondering who said that. Palahniuk, Auden, Poe, Dickinson…?

"Who said that?" I asked, completely blown away because it must have been a poet I did not know.

"Me."

A single tear carelessly fell from my eye. We stared into each other's eyes, memorizing this moment. I finally broke down and kissed him. Our tears mixed as our tongues and saliva clashed. I broke it and started dragging him along, "Come on."

I led him to the moonlit water where sand connected, the wet and dry. He didn't say anything as I slid off his jacket with my hands, our eyes never leaving each other's for a second. I stripped him of his shirt and he smirked when I went down on my knees to undo his belt. I unbuttoned his pants with my teeth, and shed him of his boxers.

Crickets rang through the air, along with our frantic breaths as Eli took over and pulled the careless material of my shirt above my head. He smiled lovingly and slowly unhooked my bra, letting it fall to the ground.

_Eye connection…_

His big and rough hands smoothed their way down to my shorts.

Eli took off my shorts and kneeled in front of me. He put his mouth on my hip, his teeth drug down my body until my panties were off. His hands held onto my calf as he licked a wet trail with his tongue up my leg, up to my exposed thigh. Eli's hands caressed my ankle and knee as he kissed my thighs.

I pulled him up and took his hand, walking him into the silky sand and into the warm water.

Small waves crashed up against our shins as we walked hand in hand together, further into the deep blue. My heart must have been racing faster than Eli's at this point, because the look he was giving me made my knee caps grown weak.

The water rose to the underside of my breasts and we stopped.

I wrapped my arms around him and kissed his neck, sucking and leaving a temporary red mark. Eli moaned inside his throat and picked up my legs, holding me bridal style so he could look at my body.

Before I could process it, we kissed again.

It was a fast, hungry kiss. Our lips were moving faster than our minds as his tongue pushed through my parted lips and began to explore my mouth. When I wanted to pull away to take a breath, Eli deepened the kiss by engulfing my lips and breathing down my throat.

This action resulted in pure ecstasy.

Eli switched my position so his penis was thrusting up against my pelvic region. The friction was so intense that I panted loudly in this ear, trying to hold onto him because of the way he was moving, it was too erratic for my body to keep up.

"Clare, every heart sings a song, incomplete, until another heart whispers back. Those who wish to sing always find a song. At the touch of a lover, everyone becomes a poet," He squeezed my butt gently, his cool breath hitting my ear.

"Plato."

"The one you love and the one who loves you are never, ever the same person," He sucked on my nipple.

"Palahniuk, _Invisible Monsters_"

"You know your stuff," Eli chuckled.

"I read. I research," I panted.

Eli chuckled again and put two fingers in my opening under the water.

"Ahh! E-Eli!" I moaned, and my knees buckled under his powerful touches.

He saw I was having trouble standing, so he took me back to the sand where the waves would crash up. He laid on top of me and kissed my collarbone, making me giggle. One hand stroked my nipple while the other rubbed my clit vigorously.

"Oh G-God, Eli!" I held onto his shoulders tightly. I felt myself coming to my peak as I screamed out his name. His lips moved to the wet skin below my pubic hair as I panted. But, soon enough, I took control and kissed him harshly, making him fall back on the wet sand.

I licked each of his nipples and put a hand on his erection.

"Clare," he breathed out.

My lips curled into a grin as I slithered down his skinny pale body.

"I love you," I whispered before taking his hard penis into my mouth. My tongue swirled the tip, tasting his saltiness as Eli groaned in approval. I pumped my hand up and down while my lips sucked hard at the head. My other hand went down and rubbed his scrotum.

After a few minutes, I could tell Eli was getting close to his end.

He reached down and grabbed my hair roughly, but not intending to do so. Lifting his hips, he fucked my mouth. I gagged a bit, but, put up with it as he moaned, "God, Clare I love you."

Boys and their hormones…

I giggled and the vibration set him over the edge, filling my mouth with his sticky semen. I gulped it down and laid down next to him, the water blanketing us.

Maybe, just maybe we'll get through it…

Two weeks later.

Two short weeks.

I'm sitting in a hospital room; my love is on the bed, lying limply.

The sound of the heart monitor fills the room.

Beep…Beep…Beep…Beep

I'm clutching his hand securely, as if it could disappear any moment.

His parents are crying silently across the room.

Bullfrog and Cece's faces have never been paler, never been more distraught. The expressions, their facial expressions, have never read 'depression' clearer than right now.

I'm kneeling next him, as I whisper, "Eli, please, you can't go yet. You just can't go...you can't! I still have three weeks with you. Three weeks with you, please." My tears stained the hospital's bed sheets.

When we got home from the cabin, we went to the doctor to see if anything had changed. He said that Eli had unfortunately got an infection. His immune system is crashing and every second he breathes in air, he could die.

Two weeks later Eli was unresponsive.

We were looking through my tenth grade yearbook at the time. There was one picture of Eli and I. Eli had his arms wrapped around my waist and he was kissing my cheek. I smiled and leaned up, burying my face in his neck, smelling his woodsy cologne.

"Eli?"

Nothing.

"Eli, babe?"

Nothing.

I looked up to see Eli with his eyes lids closed lightly. At first, I thought he was sleeping, but, then I saw his nose start to bleed heavily and my hand moved onto his forehead out of instinct, to check if he had a fever.

He did.

He's hanging in there, as oxygen gets pumped into his weak lungs.

"Please, Eli. Please," I begged Eli to fight, fight to stay here with me.

Although my begging, my pleading and my strong words weren't working at the moment, I couldn't help but continue to do all three things because I can't except that the love of my life is dying.

Not even, if he is dying right before my tear filled eyes.

This is it, he's going to go.

Eli. My, my life. Dying before me…

**Author's note: Okay, so that wasn't the last chapter. I have one more and then an epilogue.**

**I really don't like this story. I don't like how it's written…ugh….sorry guys! It was way better in my head! So please forgive me but hey at least Maislinn or Jaislinn is happy!**


	3. Dying

**Author's note: Hello again! I really think you're going to enjoy this chapter. Please review and tell me what you think.**

**Special thanks: My beta**_** The Cliffhanger Girl**_

**Updates: All my focus is on **_**Maislinn or Jaislinn**_** right now.**

My heart raced erratically when I opened my eyes slowly to find myself on an unfamiliar white bed, in a foreign white room.

_Eli…_

I had my arms wrapped tightly around myself, as if that would fulfill my feel of loneliness. My mascara smudged, on the white pillow beneath me. It's funny how tears manage to fall even when you're sleeping.

_Eli…_

My vision was slightly blurred from left over tears that were crusting over my dry eyelids.

_Eli…_

My cerebral cortex was racing with thoughts, my body racing with emotions...that I couldn't find. No matter how hard I tried to recover mentally and physically in a short amount of time, I couldn't.

My memory is scarred, forever.

_Eli. Eli. Eli._

He died.

He left me and now he's in heaven, he left me behind in this cold, dark world...all alone.

Fresh tears, coming from my lachrymal glands, streamed down my face as my eyelids grew heavy and although I fought the darkness, I couldn't help but black out again...

_He left me…_

I woke up, fear embracing my body.

It hit me.

I rolled off the hard white cot screaming, "Eli!" Over and over again, hoping he could just magically appear so I could wrap my arms around him. If he were to appear, I know that he would hold me and kiss my cheeks saying, "I'm here. I'm never leaving, ever. You're stuck with me."

Even though I knew that wouldn't happen, I prayed for it to.

My feet stumbled to the door as tears that were being held back, unleashed down my flushed cheeks.

I reached for the spinning nob and twisted, putting pressure on the door, as if trying to get out of an insane asylum. My hysteric cries echoed through the hospital hallways and rooms.

Patients stared with a half sympathetic and half confused stare.

_I didn't care…_

I was looking through every room and each hallway.

Looking for him.

"Clare? Clare! Clare!"

I ignored the person, the person that was probably mocking my innocence and quickened my pace, screaming out the one word, the one name, the one person that changed my life, _"Eli!"_

"Clare! I'm here!"

My body slowly turned around, only to see a boy with no hair in grey sweatpants and a black v-neck.

_Eli used to wear that._

I turned back around, knowing it was my imagination tricking me into thinking Eli's still here...but, he's not.

This boy wasn't giving up, my heart raced as I heard fast footsteps coming towards me, "Clare!"

I faced the boy and hissed, "You're not real!"

Too late.

Before I knew it, his arms engulfed my body.

"I'm here, baby, I'm right here. It's me," his cool breath hit my cheek, causing goosebumps to rise on my spine and an instant shudder which caused the boy to tighten his grip on my weak body.

"No, no, no. You're not real. _You're dead!_"I screamed at him and backed away, ripping out of his tight grip.

"Clare, no it's me. I'm not dead. You saved me. Please. I'm real, I'm here," he whispered, pleading for me to believe him.

This can't be real, he can't be...

My mind raced to last night. "Eli...," I whispered, water bleeding from my eyes. Our tears crashed together as our faces touched. We kissed fast, our lips moving in sync and rhythm, "You were in a state of prolonged unconsciousness, a coma." I breathed and kissed his lips again, allowing with tongue to come in and play as his sweet saliva coated my pink oral opening.

"…and I woke up from it. I'm okay. The fever was a symptom that caused the bloody nose. I was bleeding in the layers of my brain which caused a toxic-metabolic encephalopathy coma. Clare, I'm fine. I-It's going to be okay."

I stared up at him with awe as his eyes glistened when I began to speak softly, "T-The leukemia, it's gone?"

He chuckled, "No, but we have time."

Our bodies were pressed together and people were staring, but I didn't care.

I had my Eli.

"Eli, I know we're young, but, I just want you to know that I'm completely and totally in love with you and t-that I don't think I could ever love someone else like I love you. You will always be mine. You will always be my other half."

"Oh Clare…" I knew Eli's mind was conflicted. "I'm in love with you too. I have been in love with you ever since our first kiss. I know that sounds stupid, but I knew… I knew that we would make it."

Our hands interlocked as he squeezed them together tightly, smirking back at me.

"Come on, I have to show you something," Eli said, pulling me close to his ice cold chest. I buried my face into his neck as he linked his arm around my waist. I took in his essence as he led me.

Eli led me back to the room where I had frighteningly woken up in and I smirked when he took me to the bed, "Hospital bed sex? Kinky, Eli."

He laughed, "That's hot – but, I actually want to give you something," I smiled a little when he pulled me to the bed.

Eli placed his hands on my thighs, making me sit down on the white cotton sheets.

He walked to his bag across the egg shell cream walls and pulled something out, something that I could not see because his back had been turned. He came back and sat down next to me, "Clare, uh…err. Before I go," Tears were welling up in my eyes when he spoke those words.

"Clare, I don't know how to express how much you mean to me and how much I love you but, I, uh…got you this-," a little black velvet box was in his big hands as I glared down at it, my heart racing.

He opened it and I saw the most beautiful ring in the world looking up at me, "I'm not proposing, but, I just love you so much that I thought that when you miss me or feel like you're alone, just look down at this ring and I'll be there. I will always be with you, always," He slipped the ring on my finger where my purity ring used to be and I looked at it intently, noticing faint writing: _You will always be my Blue Eyes, my love, my life, my other half, my everything._

Then we made love, squished together, in the small bed.

Slow, sensual, love. Tears mixed with sweat and moans mixed with pleasurable sighs.

It wasn't the kind of love that's just sex; it was the kind of love that comes from a fairy tale.

When Eli was filling me, his eyes had unfortunately glanced down at my scarred stomach.

_Fuck._

The one time I don't put concealer on my scar...

Right above my navel, there it was, a long dark streak.

At first I didn't know why he stopped. Maybe he was hurting, but when I saw his dark lust-filled eyes stare down at the skin covering my small intestine, I knew what had happened.

_He saw._

"Clare...?" His eyes were innocent and caring. He pulled out and I instantly felt sensitive, "You said you stopped."

"I-I did, Eli, I did. But I just – I want to feel your pain. I'm healthy and you're sick and always in pain. I want to feel pain because I know you're feeling one hundred times worse. Please understand-,"

He cut me off, "How could you?" he yelled as more water fell from his tear ducts.

"Eli calm down, please," I sat up on the bed as he got up and paced the room, his hand scratching his scalp.

_He was getting antsy._

Eli ran over to me and harshly bellowed with his hot breath fanning my face, "How the hell could you hurt yourself? Huh! You're only hurting me! You want me to be in more pain? Huh, Clare?" He grabbed my arms in a bruising grip, "Eli, please. It hurts."

He dropped his hands and I could see his jaw clenched with eyes in tight slits. He forcefully pushed my chest down so I was lying on my back, "Eli what are you-,"

I felt Eli kiss my stomach where the dark mark was. He held my hips down lightly as he kissed the scar gently and licked it a few times, "Don't ever do that again, Clare. Please, it kills me." his voice was strained and filled with anguish against my skin.

I rubbed his head and closed my eyes, "I-I won't, I promise."

Eli is getting sicker and sicker.

Everyday he's more colorless and skinnier than the day before.

It's been about a week and Eli and I were inseparable. We were milking the time we had left. I must have cried myself to sleep every night, whether it was after making love or just going right to sleep, but it didn't help me accept reality.

I wanted to cut so badly, but, I didn't for...Eli.

We were currently having a picnic at our favorite park, the reason it was our favorite, because here, no one can tell us what do and no one can pull us apart when we needed to be with each other.

Eli and I were cuddled up on a blanket as he feed me carrot sticks and fruit dipped in a white fluffy substance.

We were laughing and talking about distant memories.

"Hey, remember when I took you to an ice rink?" Eli asked as I nestled more firmly against him, "We were skating together, holding hands and you tripped and fell right on your ass," I finished and I couldn't help but burst out in a tiny fit of laughter.

"Hey, it was like my first time…" Eli defended.

I smirked. "Yeah, sure it was…" I whispered sarcastically.

After a minute Eli leaned in close to the soft, pendulous lower part of my external ear, grazing it before whispering, "Remember what happened afterward? We went back to your house, you claimed you wanted to 'make me feel good' and then I did the old 'oh you don't have to' and then you did the 'but I want to' thing. Then, you gave me the most amazing blowjob and ass massage ever."

My giggles had become uncontrollable from the way Eli had mocked out my voice.

I blushed and nudged his chest, "Eli," I dragged, "I wasn't that good."

Eli scoffed and pulled me closer, "How do you know? Were you the one getting the blowjob? I think not missy and trust me Edwards, your mouth can do magic. The way you can put all of me in your mou-,"

"I get it!"

I smiled and kissed the corner of his mouth while whispering, "…but, thank you."

We sat like that for a long time, watching the sunset and exchanging some of the best memories of our lives spent together. Eli even pushed me on the swing, stealing kisses and looks up my skirt.

All that I did was roll my eyes and grin because I was enjoying it just as much as he was.

"Jump!" Eli smirked as he stepped in front of the swing, as it continued to move back and forth above the ground.

"No! I don't want to hurt you," I said, biting my lip.

"Clare, come on….For me?" Eli said eerily, with an innocent glint in his eyes.

I frowned and said, "Okay, 1….2….3!" I swung my body off the black seat and chains only to fly into the air for a quick two seconds. Before I knew it, I was on top of Eli, straddling his hips. He chuckled and cupped my thighs.

I pouted, "Not funny."

Eli smirked and clutched my shirt, bringing my lips down to his. My face soon relaxed as his mouth massaged over mine, his hands on either side of my neck and cheeks as I moaned in the back of my throat when he tugged on my hair gently.

I pulled away, but still cupped his cheeks, stroking them gently with my thumbs as he put his hands back down to my butt, "I'm really glad we met and are sharing this time-," I stopped when Eli frowned and rolled his eyes, "What's wrong?" I asked sitting up on his stomach.

"Can we please for five seconds stop talking about me dying?" His voice was stern and annoyed.

"Eli-,"

"Just stop! Can we please just enjoy the time we have together and not be reminded of me dying in maybe two weeks? I don't like being constantly reminded that I'm being cheated of my own life and I can't help it!"

His sudden outburst made me quickly crawl off him, "I'm sorry," I stated softly, bowing my head.

I started to get up and pack up our picnic.

"Clare, I didn't mean it like that, I'm sorry," Eli said as I felt his presents come near me. He knelt next to me and stroked my back. I shrugged it off saying, "Let's go home."

When we got home, I went straight up to our room, requesting him not to follow me. I flopped onto the bed tiredly, sighing and closing my eyes. Eli was right, we should be spending time together. Even though I know I shouldn't have said anything, it was too late.

My mind had finally stopped racing, which resulted in me drifting off to sleep a little while later...

I woke up to darkness and a black comforter shielding my body.

My eyes glanced over at the alarm clock and read that it was almost midnight. I sighed heavily and snuggled up to Eli, but, all I felt was more soft fabric and pillows. My eyebrow scrunched together as my hand flicked the light switch on.

I sat up and found an empty bed, aside from me.

My body slowly got out of bed and noticed that I had only my light blue boy shorts and spaghetti strap on. Eli must've changed and tucked me in, which Eli did for me all the time when I was too tired to do it myself.

I wandered down the dark hall to the steps and soon heard voices and gun shots. "Ha! Got ya! And you said I was losing…" A familiar male voice said.

Adam…?

My feet made its way down the stairs and to the living room where I found Eli and Adam with game controllers gripped tightly in hand. I smiled and walked over to Eli. He soon noticed me and picked me up, bringing me over to the couch to lay on him. "Hey sweetie, what are you doing up?" Eli asked softly while caressing my cheek.

I wrapped my arms around his neck, wanting to be as close to him as possible, "I-I woke up and you weren't there. I got scared."

"I can go…" Adam interjected breaking our eye contact.

"No, no, it's fine. Stay," I said quietly, "You guys have fun. I just wanted to check in and make sure everything was okay..." I smiled weakly and got off Eli's lap.

Eli started to protest but I stopped him and told him I was fine and that he should have some fun with his best friend. After all, Eli needs a little guy time and some time to realize that I'm not the only one who is in his life.

"I'll be up in a minute," Eli said, kissing the tip of my nose. I smiled shyly and nodded.

I waddled tiredly up the stairs and when I was about to go back into our room, I heard Adam ask, "So, how are you doing? With the…you know…"

My eyebrows tightened when I heard Eli chuckle and say, "I think the better question is how Clare is doing."

"I don't follow?" Adam asked cluelessly.

"Nothing man, It's just…Clare started cutting again," he whispered frustratingly. What the hell? Why would he tell Adam that? It was one time.

"Can you promise that after I'm gone, you'll protect her, Adam?" Eli asked in a hopeful tone.

"Of course! Hey, she's my friend too so, I would always protect her, no matter what," Adam said quickly. They smiled and bumped fists happily.

I sighed when I heard Eli ask,"Wanna' get some sleep?"

"Sure, you can crash on the couch or you could sleep in my be-,"

"Dude," Adam gave Eli a warning look as I peered down the steps through the thin wooden poles that followed the steps.

"What? We're friends. Come on, it's about time the 'Misfits' have a sleepover," Eli said excitingly.

I figured they would come up now, so I quickly got up and hustled to our room, throwing myself onto the bed and snuggling into the covers. I was surprised when a half an hour later they didn't come up.

"-and I was like, 'What the hell?'" I heard Adam tell Eli as he chuckled obnoxiously, stumbling into our room.

They've been drinking…

"I didn't know what to do. I was seriously in deep shi-,"

"Adam! Sshh, C-Clare's sleeping," Eli told Adam. His words were slurred and I could barely make out what he was saying.

"Sorry, sorry."

I heard a few rustles and belches and after a moment, I soon felt a warm body take me into their arms. I smelt beer on their breath and then, I felt another body next to me.

"Hey Eli, ever thought of fucking Clare in her sleep? You know going as hard as you want," Adam said in a 'hushed' tone.

"Ha – Who wouldn't? But, I would never. I don't think I would have enough energy to even last the amount of time I would need without her awake," Eli whispered and kissed me on the cheek.

"So I was thinking, we should all go out tomorrow to a club. You know, just drink and have a good time?"

Adam asked questionably, even though I could hear the 'please come' in his voice.

"That would be awesome, but Clare and I were supposed to go to dinner and a movie tomorrow night," Eli sighed.

"We can go," I stated softly, peeking my head from the covers reveling a stunned Eli.

"Clare? Wha – were you awake the whole time?" He asked, a smirk curling up on that beautiful face of his.

I smiled, nodding, "I want to go to a club with you and Adam."

To reassure him, I leaned up and kissed his neck, chin, and jaw.

"Really?"

"Yes."

Eli wrapped his arms tightly around me as I turned over to face Adam. Adam and I faced each other, holding each other's hands, as my butt was pressed against Eli's crotch...

The next morning had come quicker than I thought and unfortunately, Eli wasn't feeling well at all.

We stayed in bed all day and I was trying so hard to convince him not to go to the club tonight.

"Eli please…," I begged.

Our legs were tangled as our breath hit each other's face from the proximity. One of our hands rested on each other's panty and boxer-clad butt while the others were holding each other.

His face was pale and weak, barely showing emotion. His dark sage eyes were drooping with purple bags.

"Clare, I just wanna' grind with you one last time…please," he whispered pleadingly.

Tears unexplainably ran down my cheeks, as did his.

"Eli…," I nuzzled my face into his bare chest, my breath hitting his cool skin. I scratched at his back, wanting to get as close as possible, for him. Without a doubt, I inched closer and whispered, "Okay."

Later that day, Eli's family and I went around Toronto seeing Eli's grandma, grandpa, cousins, aunts, uncles, saying 'hi' and 'goodbye'.

Eli wanted to see everyone that he loves before he goes…

We headed to Eli's grandma's house which was forty five minutes away. Eli loved his grandma and spent a lot of his time at her little cottage up in Bayview Woods when he ever felt he needed to get away from life, escape problems.

It was getting late and if we wanted to go to the club with Adam we could only stay at Eli's grandma's house for about an hour.

Bullfrog was driving with one hand on the wheel while the other was gripped tightly in CeCe's shaky hand. I smiled at them, wishing they were like my parents, which they were sort of…not biological of course, but they were always there for me when my parents weren't.

"Excited to see your grandma baby boy?" CeCe asked, craning her neck to look at Eli whose head was nestled up in the crook of my neck. He was pressing light kisses on the flushed skin covering the narrow passage from my mouth to my stomach.

Eli was feeling much better when he dry-swallowed a pill this morning, making the fatigue go away temporarily. Lately he's been very romantic and wouldn't stop touching me. All day we've been teasing each other and all the tension between us was building…

"Ahem," CeCe said firmly, pretending to clear her throat.

"Eli stop," I giggled, but for the sake of Cece and Bullfrog's 'innocent' eyes, I pushed him away.

Eli obviously forgot we were in a car with his parents when he growled, "Why? You look so hot right now."

"Okay enough you two…" Bullfrog shouted playfully looking in the rear view mirror. A bright red color cascaded across my cheeks when Eli gave me one last kiss on the neck and I looked away from a grinning Bullfrog.

"Anyway," CeCe cut in, "How long do you guys want to stay? Don't you two love birds have something with Adam tonight?"

"Yeah we're going clu-," Eli covered my mouth, "What Clare means is we're going…to the mall, yup, just the mall…"

CeCe didn't look convinced but didn't ask any more questions. I licked Eli's pale white fingers through my parted lips to make him let go. Eli's only reaction was, "Oh naïve Clare, you know I love when you lick my body especially my-," I cut him quickly off, knowing his parents were only inches away from us. "Eli!" I screeched after tearing his hand away from my mouth.

He chuckled, "Sorry…"

I quickly kissed his cheek, "Forgiven."

We made it Eli's grandma's house and I was really excited to see her. We met a while ago and I just adored her. It was like seeing Eli, in an elderly woman version...okay that sounded creepy but she had the funny and witty humor Eli did.

Eli and I held hands as we walked up to the cute little blue door. Eli rang the doorbell and shortly after a shrill little woman came to the door, "Eli baby, and Clare sweetie! And the Goldsworthy couple! Come in, come in."

"Gosh, I still can't believe you have this amazing home. I love it Mrs. Goldsworthy," I smiled while looking around her huge house.

Eli's granddad past away but, he owned a construction company which made him earn a lot of money.

"Why thank you darlin' but please call me grandma Pokey," That was her nick-name in the old days.

Later on, we were all sitting on the backyard rock-base patio watching the sun set over the lake. We were all talking and catching up on things. I was sipping on some green mint tea while Eli and I were lying together on an outdoor adjustable lounge chair. He had his arms around my waist, pulling me to him.

CeCe and grandma 'Pokey' were talking about a baby story of Eli, which I actually really liked to hear. Eli was trying to distract me by squeezing my butt and telling dirty jokes in my ear.

"Come on E-Eli...I wanna hear your mom's story about your bubble bath times...," I giggled while pinching his cheeks between my fingers.

"You're asking for it Edwards!" Eli playfully attacked my sides with his trembling fingers, tickling my stomach and sides. I was giggling uncontrollably and didn't notice that all eyes were on us.

"Ahh! Eli!" I screamed loudly, not being able to contain my laughter.

I started hitting his chest repeatedly, not giving up this fight.

"Oh, you're going to pay for that," Before I could take in what was happening Eli threw me over his shoulder, once again, and ran off with me off the dock and into the water.

I held onto Eli tightly, gripping his shoulders, afraid of how deep it was.

"Ellii! Now I'm cold!" I groaned while hanging onto him tightly, trying to get as much warmth as I could. Eli kissed my icy blue lips and responded, "Sorry, baby."

After a minute, I smirked mischievously and dunked his head under the water, laughing uncontrollably. I giggled and swam away from him when he started chasing and splashing me.

"Okay kids, time to go!" CeCe and Bullfrog shouted from the dock after about a half an hour of swimming and making out in the water.

Eli sloppily kissed me one more time before leading me out of the water. Unfortunately though, Eli had convinced me to take off my shirt and shorts so I was even colder than before. Eli held me close as we climbed on the dock grabbing the towels CeCe brought out earlier. I shivered and pressed my wet curls to his chest.

"I-I'm c-cold Eli," I whined and he opened up his towel so I could get closer to him. He smirked, re-wrapping the towel around me as my trembling, frigid, goosebump filled body pressed up against his warm chest.

When we arrived back at home, it was about nine o'clock and Eli had kindly suggested we leave to pick up Adam at about nine thirty.

Eli and I were up in his – our room and I was peeling off my wet clothes, "Hey, wanna take a shower with me?" I asked, turning to Eli with nothing covering my body except some fresh panties and a blue bra I was holding.

Eli turned to face me and he instantly eyed my naked form. I giggled, not being able to hold back a smile when I saw a bulge behind his wet dark tan shorts and his stuttering words, "I – uh…um…gah…"

I smirked mentally, loving that I still have that effect on him.

After a second of mumbling Eli bowed his head and frowned, "No, go ahead, you can take one."

"Is something wrong? I mean you always want to take showers together." I explained, concern in my voice, knowing that Eli always loved to be close together at any time, because whenever we had those 'moments' we knew, we could make it last forever.

"Just leave it Clare."

And that's exactly what I did, I went into the bathroom without another word being said.

Eli never rejects me...unless he's – Fuck! What if something was wrong? What if he is hurting? Damn it! I need to stop being selfish and help him out the best I can.

After my shower I was rummaging through my clothes in just my blue bra and lace panties. I had no idea what to wear to a club since I had never been to one before. Eli was standing by the mirror fixing his red silk tie, "Hey, uh, Eli? W-What do I wear to a club..?"

He chuckled and sauntered over to me, putting his rough cold hands on my naked hips, rubbing small circles on my light skin with his thumb.

He leaned in close, his cool mint breath hitting my lips. Eli licked his lips and whispered, "Something…sexy."

"Elliii! That doesn't help me!" I exclaimed. He smirked, "Don't worry baby, I got it…"

We parked around the corner of some club.

Eli opened the door for me and Adam as I chuckled. We started walking and it was a little uncomfortable considering Eli dressed me in a black mini skirt and a dark red crop top that was very low-cut.

"Fuck," Eli whispered and ran to a garbage can. He started throwing up and we rushed over to him as I rubbed his back soothingly while saying, "Eli, baby…we should go home. You need to rest, you had a busy day."

"I'm fine, Clare." He wiped off his mouth and dragged me along…

We finally got into the club, strobe lights flashing, whores throwing themselves at men who were halfway delusional because of the beer or drinks they had taken in, and of course, the music was blasting so loud that I could hear it pounding through my head.

After being aware of my surroundings, Eli grabbed my hand and we all headed to the bar, even though I really didn't want to drink since I'm underage.

"Can I get a beer and an apple martini for the little lady here," Eli smirked flirtatiously at me as the bartender glared at him suspiciously and then ordered, "I.D. please."

Eli scoffed, pulling out his fake I.D. which I didn't approve of and sooner or later, we got our drinks and started up a suggestive conversation while I gingerly sipped my drink through a mini neon bendy straw...

After about an hour of drinking and Eli whispering dirty comments in my ear, I was very hot and very tipsy.

We were sitting on a little velvet couch in the corner and I was currently straddling Eli's hips with my thighs, while he sat on the couch. I was bouncing up and down on him, dry humping and grinding into the some-what hard lump between his skinny jean-clad thighs, trying to give him all the pleasure I could. I couldn't help but notice the bulge between his gracilis muscles was a bit smaller than usual.

I used his shoulders as leverage as my skirt rode up. The only think stopping us from fucking was his skinny jeans and my panties.

"I want you so bad...," Eli groaned in my ear huskily, throwing his head back in ecstasy. Eli put his hands firmly on my ass and started squeezing, hard. When it came to needing release, Eli now did all he wanted with no restrictions.

Which, I didn't mind at all.

"Fuck, Eli…" I breathed, rubbing my breasts up against his chest.

After a while we switched to grinding and dancing in the hot, sweaty space with flushed bodies bouncing on each other.

The music was loud and relentless; it popped through my veins making me shudder with excitement.

Eli pulled my ass to him, and it was as if his dick wanted to push into my ass right then and there, but I couldn't complain. One hand was on my breast while the other guided my thrusting hip. We were moaning simultaneously as salty beads of sweat dripped down my cheeks.

I moved my butt over him and dipped down, running my hands up and down his sides. I turned around and slid back up his body, my hand rubbing the semi hard bulge in his pants.

"Fuck, Clare," he moaned, and even though we were only dancing for a few minutes, I could tell Eli was getting tired by his breathing.

_Shortness of breath: Another symptom…_

"What? Too hot for you, Elliijahh?" I murmured against his lips.

"Clare, fuck, you're such a fucking tease...," Eli responded before roughly grabbing my hand and dragging me out of the club. As the cool night air hit me, Eli backed me up against the brick wall of the club, kissing me and forcing his pink muscle in my mouth.

"I need you Eli, now," I whispered against his ear, my cool breath hitting his neck as he shuddered in unbearable pleasure.

Adam had to drive us home since we were so buzzed, but in reality, it was because Eli and I were making out in the back and I couldn't even process the thought of stopping what we started.

_It was too good..._

When we finally got home, Adam dropped us off and told Eli that he'd drop off Morty tomorrow morning. We stumbled up to our room with shaky legs as my crop top and mini skirt was already off the second we entered.

I pushed Eli back on the soft cotton in the corner of our room as he tried to cover up the look of pain on his face when his back hit the bed, but I misread it as a look of pleasure.

I started lifting his shirt up when he stopped me, "Clare, I-I'm tired can we do this later…?"

"Eli are you hurting? Is it your joints or your-," he cut me off and said, "No, no it's just I uh, my body is, uh…changing from the cancer and I…" Eli trailed off and I got what he was saying.

I held his hands tightly in mine.

"Eli baby, I love you and your body. I would never reject you or think you're less than perfect. We don't have to do this. I know this cancer is giving you hell and all I want is for you to be happy."

He smiled as a tear slid down his soft white surface, "I…I want this."

I nodded and kissed his chapped lips as I felt his body shaking.

Eli allowed me to slowly lift his band tee over his head as I almost gasped, (but refrained from doing so because I would not want him to get the wrong idea) as I saw what the fatal disease did to my Eli.

Petechiae. All over his stomach, moving down to the trail of shrivel hairs below Eli's navel.

_Petechiae: Small red or purple dots that form on the skin or in the mucus membranes, caused by blood clots…_

_Easy bruising: An injury transmitted through unbroken skin to underlying tissue causing rupture of small blood vessels and escape of blood into the tissue with resulting discoloration, seen especially in cancer patients…_

_Loss of appetite: Not hungry for a certain amount of time, causing severe weight loss…_

"Oh Eli…"

I bent down and kissed the usually harmless red rash, flawing Eli's perfect skin.

Eli lay back on his bed, closing his eyes.

I took his black belt in my hands and fumbled with it, distracted by Eli's upper torso. I pulled off his tight skinny jeans squeamishly, afraid of giving him more purple blotches. I got to his boxers and Eli cringed, terrified of disappointing me.

Eli's pubic hair had been shorter, and discolored like his skin. His penis was slightly wrinkled and appeared to be, dry.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked, my voice full of love and hurt as to why Eli wouldn't trust me enough to just tell me his problem.

Was this the reason why he didn't want to take a shower with me?

"I'm hideous Clare," Eli sobbed as his goosebumped cheek wetted, "I'm a fucking monster. Why would you love ever me? I can't even get hard for you!"

He turned on the bed, facing away from me.

"Baby...," I whispered, coming up behind him and spooning him, my hand falling to his abdomen. My fingers caressed his pubic hair, his chest, stomach, trying to make him feel better.

"Eli...Please, please turn around," I needed to tell him something and I needed his eyes for it.

He slowly rolled over.

My blue eyes met his blood shot puffy ones as I whispered, "Eli, I love you so much and will never, ever stop. I love you for you, I don't care about what your body looks like. Sweetie, please don't ever think I don't love you or am disappointed. You are the definition of perfection."

I cupped his cheeks gently.

"God, no Clare you are the definition of perfection. I'm just a lucky guy who you fell in love with," Eli smirked at me. I smiled and kissed his nose, "You are lucky aren't you...?"

"Hey. Don't let it go to your head, Missy," He chuckled and kissed my lips softly.

After a few moments of silence, Eli whispered, "Clare, let's make love one more time...because I know, this is it."

I was about to protest when I saw the look in his eyes, the look of need and desire so I smiled weakly while saying confidently, "okay."

We started to kiss a little fast and since Eli was already naked and I was half naked, it didn't take us long to get in position. I wanted to be in control this time so I gently swung one leg over Eli's hips and straddled him. I was about to lower myself on him when he shouted, "Wait! Condom."

"No Eli, I want you to come inside of me for the first time," And the last, I thought.

Eli scrunched his eyebrows together, but nodded anyway.

I closed my eyes, lowered myself onto his throbbing member that was now fully erect. I forgot how deep this angle was as I felt the tip of his member brush over a spot inside me that made me go completely insane. Feeling Eli inside me without resistance made it ten times more pleasurable. He felt so good against me.

I opened my eyes to see a smirking Eli with his hands behind his head, watching my breasts go up and down.

"Eli! Stop staring. You know I hate that," I groaned as he reached up and squeezed my left breast while growling, "Come on babe, how can I not stare at your tits? They're so sexy."

And just like that, the old Eli was back.

I was going to ask Eli to help guide my hips, but I knew he was weak and I just wanted to give him just as much pleasure. I moved up and down on him lightly and reached behind my thighs to massage his testicles, which I knew would always make his eyes roll in the back of his head in pure ecstasy.

"God, you're so amazing Clare…," he whimpered, sweat rolling down our faces as we got closer to our peaks.

"Clare this is it," Eli breathed out and I knew, I knew what he meant.

_No, no, no. He's faking. He doesn't know anything._

I pounded harder into him, letting the tears and anger out. My head thrashed as my fingers clawed his skin. My body leaned forward making our chests touch. I slowed down, not wanting it to end. By now we were both crying, our mingled bodies were wet with salt water.

Eli wrapped his arms around my back as I hugged him.

"I don't want this to end...," I whispered, knowing that it soon would...

Eli ended up not passing away for another week, but we weren't surprised. We all knew it was coming, even though I denied everything. He had gotten sicker and couldn't get out of bed. But I laid with him, our hands intertwined every moment of the day.

The morning, after Eli and I made love one last time was Eli's turning point. He couldn't get out of bed and he had long purple bruises running along his hips. When I woke up, I thought he was dead, but he eventually opened his eyes and smiled weakly.

The last time he spoke to me, was the day he died.

We were in the living room on the love seat, claiming that we were spending too much time in our bedroom. We were cuddled up in the blankets together, watching one of Eli's favorite movies.

Eli was pretty much unresponsive and it killed me, it ate away at my heart like a parasite to a host. He could still talk, but only a few words could come out. His lymph nodes swelled causing his voice box to basically break.

I looked at his naked fingers and then looked at mine, and played with the ring he gave me and then-

"Eli, baby, I need to get something from our room. I'll be right back." He groaned and held my hand tighter, "Sweetie, it will be one minute. I promise."

He let me go and I ran to our room, digging through some boxes I had piled in our closet. I finally found what I was looking for and I raced downstairs.

I came back and sat next to him, my eyes looking into his, "Eli, you mean the world to me and I, uh, I need you to keep this ," I pulled out my purity ring and slipped it on his pinky, "Right now, I hate God. I don't get why God would give such a beautiful and extraordinary boy cancer. But, I know you're going to go to a wonderful place and one day… I'll meet you there. Okay? We're going to be together forever, I promise. We'll walk together, holding hands and smiling...every day. I will come and visit you and write you letters. Eli, you're my everything and I will never, ever forget you…"

I whispered in his ear, "I love you…" And I didn't know if he understood me with me choking on my calm sobs.

"God, Clare….I, I love-," he whimpered barely audible.

Silence.

I waited for Eli to finish, but I knew he wouldn't.

"…you."

With that, he closed his eyes and even though I was frowning, my heart was smiling a little because I knew, he was finally released of the constant pain and had joined the angels.

And he went to Heaven.

**Author's note: Oh gosh, I really hoped you liked this. There will be an epilogue posted sometime.**


End file.
